


Scars from the Past

by Garnetious



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Post-Canon, Post-Fullmetal Alchemist: Conqueror of Shamballa, ed remembering the trauma, noah finding out about said trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:27:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24913090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Garnetious/pseuds/Garnetious
Summary: Ed has gotten used to his life in Germany with Al however the memories of the past still remain. When he sees a familiar face at a store Ed remembers the pent up emotions he has had.OrEd remembering the past and coming to terms with what happened
Relationships: Alphonse Elric & Edward Elric, Edward Elric & Noah
Kudos: 15





	Scars from the Past

Although Ed could not feel with his hand, the warmth of his brother’s hand seemed to seep through the artificial arm he had gained. Even though Al had forgotten all of their adventures, the people they met, the horrors they had learned, he was still Al, his brother, the one he sacrificed his life for.

Some nights while he was wrecked by nightmares of Amestris, the homunculi, Dante, Barry the Chopper’s knife going up and up and up but by the time it came down Ed was awake, dripping in sweat, Ed was glad that Al had forgotten everything, forgotten the thousands of army men sacrificed for the stone that was put inside his hollow shell. At least Al didn’t have the nightmares, the dawning horror that he was about to kill scores of people by his own hand, just to retain the status-quo.

Ed was tortured, haggard, cold-hearted, unemphatic for he had turned off his emotions of _caring_ after too many betrayals. He could still see Envy’s true face in the corner of his eye, he could still replay his dad’s last moments, he could still feel the sensation of water turning into gas as the monster he created was destroyed, his mother gone once again. He heard from Al how Wrath sacrificed himself to save them, he heard but couldn’t believe that the young homunculus, the one torn away from his mother, torn away by _him_ , would help them out.

He was glad that Al didn’t know about his crimes, his negligence, his inability to save the thousands of military men who did nothing wrong but have a terrible general above them, his inability to do nothing but watch as a city was reduced into sand.

He couldn’t even save Lust, the homunculus who promised to help him, the one that helped Scar, and therefore his brother. He wasn’t there for Al when the bomb creeped up his armour, oxidizing the fragile hold his soul had on the world. He never seemed to be there when it mattered most and in the end Al had to see his eyes go dark. It was his fault, they could have been together, bodies whole, philosopher stone gone and traded for their bodies. However Ed was weak, and his weakness caused the hesitation as he found out that Envy was his brother.

He had known that Hohenheim was one of the sketchiest beings in existence, but the fact that he had a _child_ with _Dante_ , and he _loved the child enough to revive it_ , shook Ed to the core. The fact that his father had a sordid love affair with Dante wasn’t that surprising to Ed, what other reason was there for Dante to be standing there, saying with the mouth of a once innocent girl, speaking words about _fucking_ “Hohenheim’s son”. Dante was clearly crazy, but he was also glad that he had realised that he shouldn’t be dancing in the ballroom because, well, he was 15 back then, and that’d be insane.

But then, Ed’s whole life was insane, insanity crept into his mind on the daily, words of distrust and anxiety, Ed was sorely fucked up and the one good thing was that Al wasn’t as fucked up as him.

The loss of Al’s memories was depressing, many of their moments were lost, and now Al didn’t even remember Scar, the one who saved the two of them multiple times, the reason why they were still alive. Ed still wasn’t sure about what went on between Al and Scar in Liore, but he could recognize that it was important to Al, that was why when he saw Scar and a girl (who looked like Lust, but that couldn’t be her could it?) on the wagon, he had smiled and grinned. At least in this life he should be able to repay Scar.

He and Al were still travelling with that caravan, Noah also joined them, her quest to find a place for _her_ , a _home_ , still existing. Maybe Noah was the only one who could understand his internal turmoil, however after the Shambala incident she refused to touch him. Perhaps she was scared that she would once again be corrupted by the thought of his homeland, either way it didn’t matter, no one else needed to know about the scars Ed carried, no one else needed to know about the fear he felt when seeing someone act out of character. _(Is it Envy?_ He would always think, as if the homunculus could come back again from the dead.) Pools of water, red stones, the girl that eerily looked like Lust, blood, that one time he saw a girl who looked too much like Lyra, all things that made him flinch and go on the defensive, his body and mind wanting to run. (The time he saw the girl he had to remind himself that she wasn’t Dante, Dante would be dead, Dante couldn’t switch bodies in this world.)

Al squeezed his artificial hand tightly, awakening Ed into the real world. The two of them were walking into town, their light colouring allowing them to dodge the racist remarks that would have been thrown towards Noah and the rest of the group. Ed hated it. He knew from experience what such racism did, the end result of the Ishval civil war, the end result of the Ishvalans, Scar and so many others twisted by understandable hate. However right now all they could do was keep their heads low and buy groceries.

“Can I get this please?” Al asked the cashier, plopping a bag of produce on the counter. The cashier looked up and Ed felt shivers run up and down his spine as he looked at the visage of someone Al would call _Mom._ Luckily, Al didn’t seem to notice, his head bent low as he counted out the coins.

All Ed could think of was his hands touching water, Wrath’s face full of tears, the slowly fading visage of the monster he created, the mutated form of their failed experiment, his mom’s soft smile as she faded away… his mom about to drown him, face contorted in anger, his mom’s hatred towards him… Wrath’s face as he accused Ed of killing his mother, his mother as she stood on the side of the Fuhrer, his mother who he revived and then killed…

_His mother, his mother, his mother, sloth, a homunculus, fire, the house burning, her fading away, fading into smoke, dying, dying, dying…_

“Customer, are you okay?”

That was mom’s voice, not Sloth-- but Sloth was also his mom as well, which one was this, was it mom, but this woman didn’t know them, of course she didn’t know him, they weren’t related…

_You killed her._ That invasive and intrusive thought broke Ed down into a tiny million pieces, he felt himself freeze just like the last time, the time he was supposed to protect them, the time where she was going to kill him, the time he just sat there, scared, terrified, because he deserved to be killed by her, he deserved it.

His breaths came out short, and the breath seemed to leave him, he was frozen again, frozen like ice, like he was trapped in the water, the water he had ironically created. His mind drew a blank, all he could think of was the water, the water flooding the tunnel, the water that he had to evaporate, red water, the people he was going to kill to save his brother, the criminals standing there terrified, the criminals he was going to kill…

Ed felt the world around him grow dark and blurry, his eyelids fluttered to a close and the last thing he saw was his concerned mother’s face.

When he regained consciousness, he thought he was back in Amestris, it happened often after a nightmare, his mind drawing a blank on where he was, believing that it was still at his homeland. He thought he saw his brother and Rose’s face staring down at him, they looked concerned, why would they be concerned? Did he break his automail again? Was Winry going to beat him up? Why is Rose here?

“Nii-san, you’re in Germany,” Al said, and Ed realised with a start that he was speaking.

“Oh,” he finally replied, trying to collect his thoughts in his fuzzy head, “what happened?”

“You suddenly collapsed after seeing…” Al trailed off, sending a wry glance at the woman he now recognized as Noah.

Noah smiled softly at Al, “I already know about your past,” she said softly, “you can talk about it,”

“Right,” Al scratched his head, a cheeky grin spreading across his face, “the cashier looked like mom, and you blacked out,” Al explained, “I helped bring you back,”

“How long was I out?” Ed asked finally, the memories of the experience coming back to him.

“A couple of hours,” Al replied, “everyone was worried, especially when you started talking about the seven deadly sins,”

Ed startled upwards and instantly regretted it, a spell of dizziness washing over him, “what did you hear?” he asked after finally regaining his composure, “how much do you already know?”

_Did Al know about the homunculi? Does he know what I was about to do in the lab? Did they tell him about everything?_

“You were just mumbling things about killing sloth and treating _them_ as inhuman and not regretting their deaths,” Al explained, “and in terms of what I know…” he trailed off, looking sadly at Ed, “Winry and Rose never properly explained anything to me, they just told me the basics about how you sacrificed yourself for me,”

Ed felt relief wash over him, Al didn’t need to know about the crimes he committed, about the things he has done. Only he should feel the burden of the crimes the two of them were involved in.

In a way he was glad for Truth taking away Al’s memories, at times Ed too wanted all of those memories to go away, to disappear.

“Uhh, Al could you go inform the others that Ed is awake?” Noah asked. Al nodded and left the room, a childish bounce in his stride.

Noah took a deep breath as Ed rearranged himself in the bed, slowly rising into an upright position, “I looked at your memories,” Noah finally said, breaking the silence.

Ed let out a small cough, “how much?” he responded, trying to keep the fear from his voice.

Noah only responded with a hug, and Ed realised that was the only answer he was going to receive.

“You kept it all inside you,” Noah whispered, “kept it from your brother, your friends, your allies, because you believed you deserved the suffering you’re going through,”

Her words struck a chord in Ed’s heart, and before he knew it tears were streaming down his cheeks.

“It’s alright now Ed, you’re fine, the homunculi aren’t around, Dante is gone, you’re safe here,” Noah continued, she pulled away from the hug, her hands still touching his shoulders and her eyes still staring into his, “even if they come, we’ll protect you Ed, just like how so many times you have protected us,”

Just like that, Ed started to sob, every tear seemed to contain his pent up rage, anxiety, and fear as he let it all out.

Once again he was saved by those around him, and for the first time in so many years, Ed felt himself at home. That night, as he laid to rest, he no longer had nightmares and slept as deeply as his 8 year old self before the death of his mother.


End file.
